I spent a solid twenty minutes deciding which track to post from this album and it was a really hard time for me but I chose Alanis.
Alot of this today.
The New (Gay) Man in Contemporary Popular Media
bunnygloves made this and he’s onto something:
This is the first in a series called Dark Rides that I’m working on.
Leather Bar—- The Musical
So I have had more social engagements this past week (6/7 days) than I am comfortable with and I’m burnt out on people whom I don’t know and I am starting to notice at these functions that the small talk —- that hollow politesse —- is shifting from “So, what do you do” to “So, what’s in your future” which I find hostile/odd/anxiety-inducing/mate-searching.
I give a textbook what I do to five, maybe seven people a night whom I’d rather see peeled than give personal information to, but the question of my resulting prospects is new.
And I realize in those moments that my reticence to respond to such a question has little to do with social anxiety or a poor future, even though it likely appears to others that way. It’s more that my visualization of the future doesn’t exist along a continuum with neatly plotted goals towards which all my effort flows, like they want to hear, but is a nebulous, interconnected spatial narrative that necessarily exists all at once and entirely not at all. So, you know, how do you explain that to some stranger? How do you quantify that for yourself?
And besides, polite cocktail talk about my future probably should just focus on tangible objectives. It doesn’t need to involve discussions about swarming free radicals like not pozzing out, the inevitableness of breakdown, terraforming happiness and the distant vesper of a dead family despite those things being some critical ways I navigate the present, despite those things directly informing the future.
But I need to answer this question, I suppose, and so I answer it with a sketch. I need to arrange my idea of the future into some image I can draw answers from. So above is the world I have to go into, an image of my future, an exercise in surreal association which situates itself along the linear trudge of time but also in ever-expanding Cartesian space. Everything happens at once. Everything will be formed from this.